When it comes to communication – whether workplace or personal – we focus on what we want to say and how to get others to understand. (I have this tendency.)
In so doing we miss out on the most important part of communication. Here’s a gentle reminder: how are we listening? How much are we trying to understand others?
We’re bringing this up now because listening is harder in virtual environments. It’s also harder when we hear things that make us uncomfortable.
Lean into this discomfort. Start by listening to something or someone new without feeling as if you have to react. Reflect and revisit the parts that challenge you. Then ask questions with the intention to learn (not circling back to your story or point of view).
The Quakers have a rule that when someone is seeking guidance, they only ask “honest questions,” those that they don’t already know the answer to. When I first read about this I thought it was obvious, until I realized how many questions I had been asking when I (thought I) knew the answer.
If this resonates with you, here are 3 ways to become a better listener:
- Observe what percentage of the time you are speaking in conversations. Is there a pattern?
- Do you frequently interrupt? If so, break the habit. Jot notes to record your thoughts or hold a pen or finger to your lips to remind yourself not to speak. (Maybe near your lips for germ considerations)
- When someone has stopped speaking, ask a follow-up question. And then another.
Make communication a learning opportunity (for yourself).
If you have ideas or suggestions on how to improve listening, we’re all ears. . .
